Useless when wet
by SquishyJellyKittenOfDoom
Summary: (Previously titled 'sleep tight') Royai one shots with fluff and cuteness.
1. Sleep tight

Mustang, Hawkeye, Havoc, Feury, Black Hayate and Breda were all cramped inside a military issued car. That had been investigating a series of murders and found the murderers, a rogue alchemist and his minions. Mustangs original plan had been to get Hayate to track down the alchemist then blow the shit out of the place however they had discovered there were hostages. A smoke bomb, a flash grenade, a bucket of water and fifteen gunshots later, Mustang had been rendered useless, Hawkeye had protected his sorry ass and disabled most of the minions, Havoc had knocked out the alchemist and the hostages had been released. Now they were exhausted.

"Ummm, Colonel?" Feury called from the back of the car.

"Yes?" His eyes didn't leave the road as he turned a corner.

"The Lieutenant fell asleep"

He glanced at the mirror to look at her. Her face was relaxed as she slept, her head leaning on Havoc's shoulder and her arms wrapped around her waist. Feury who was sat beside her had Black Hayate on his lap who was also asleep.

Roy smiled softly,"we're nearly at her apartment, just leave her for now"

The car stopped outside a complex of apartments and Roy got out.

"Hey Havoc, think you can lift her? Pass her to me?" Roy lifted her easily and she nuzzled into his shirt, still asleep.

"Do you need help with the key or anything sir?" Havoc asked, watching him.

They looked like a real couple, him holding her bridal style and her looking content in his arms. Hayate lept out of the car and looked up at his Mistress, head cocked to one side.

"No, it'll be fine, do you guys mind waiting out here" he asked, it was rhetorical as he had already turned and entered the building.

* * *

><p>He knew it was number 306. As he stepped into the elevator he leaned against the wall, adjusting Riza in his arms. One of her hands tangled itself in his shirt. Outside her door he stopped, how was he going to get in without disrupting her sleep?<p>

He pulled the spare key she had given him from his pocket and carefully unlocked the door, entering before kicking it shut. He quickly lay her on her bed. He attempted to straighten himself only to find she had grasped his shirt with both hands and wasn't letting go.

With a sigh he sat on the edge of the bed and slowly began prying her hands open. Hayate trotted in, his tail wagging as he wandered towards the dog bed in the corner of the room and Kay down, panting happily.

"Come on Riza" he murmured as he slowly loosened her grip.

"Stay" the word was muffled but Roy could just about hear it.

He smiled as he lay down, wrapping his arms around her.

* * *

><p>"Yo Roy- err, bad timing?" Havoc, Breda and Feury peered in, apparently too impatient to wait in the car.<p>

They were greeted by a sleeping Riza Hawkeye who currently had her face buried in Mustangs shirt and Roy Mustang who had his arms wrapped around her midriff and his chin resting on top of her head.

"Shhhh, here just take the car" he whispered, throwing the keys at them.

They backed away and the door clicked shut. He could hear them in the corridor as they walked away.

"Breda you owe me 150 cenz!" Havoc's voice laughed.

"They could have waited a week! Then I'd have won" Breda's voice replied.

_Trust them to bet on his relationship status. _Roy rolled his eyes, reaching up to release her hair from its clip. He could help but grin as it cascaded down her shoulders and absent-mindedly stroked it. So the guys bet on them getting together? If Riza found out they were screwed.

He smiled at the thought before settling into a deep peaceful slumber.

* * *

><p><strong>I always imagine that Roy drives Riza home and stuff when she stays late to make him actually work and that he sometimes ends up carrying her if she falls asleep and then she makes him stay. Riza probably has a really affectionate side behind closed doors, I mean after Roy called her and knew she wasn't okay she was hugging Hayate but in public she keeps a perfect soldier face. They were just made for each other 3<strong>


	2. I don't see the point

"So the stone _didn't_ work right away?" Roy frowned.

He had expected doctor Marcoh to be able to heal Havoc within seconds, granted Havoc could walk and it had only taken a few days but despite this there was still the slight disappointment.

"No, I'm still getting therapy for my legs, balance and strength and all that" Havoc replied, then hastily added,"but it did work relatively quickly, I started therapy only a day or two after Marcoh actually used the stone"

"So will I see straight away do you think or will it even work?" The panic in Roy's voice was well hidden but Havoc could still detect it.

"You'd have to talk to an alchemist about that, I don't know about the truth but it should work" He honestly didn't know what to expect,"maybe Ed or Izumi would know"

When Marcoh had used the stone on him he had first regained feeling then the actual control of his legs developed, it had been a relatively slow recovery compared to what he had expected. As his injury hadn't been caused by alchemy there was a chance that it could be healed more easily than Roy's blindness. Feury entered the room, holding a shining white cane.

"Sir, here's your walking cane" Feury smiled sympathetically as he leant the stick against Mustangs bed,"it's on your left, just feel against the edge of the bed"

The white cane lay innocently inches from Roy's hand.

"I don't want it" he folded his arms.

"What? But the doctors said-"

"I don't want it"

"Sir with all due respect you need it, how else do you expect to get around?" Havoc said, leaning against the doorway,"besides, it's only temporary"

"Hawkeye can help me" On the inside Roy was congratulating himself as Riza would be forced to be with him nearly all the time, even more than normal.

Riza, who had been sitting in her bed beside him looked up sharply,"what?"

"You can help me to get around" he repeated.

"Sir even you must realise that a cane is more practical" Hawkeye said, rolling her eyes.

"I don't even need it, I could navigate headquarters blindfolded" he smirked.

"What difference would that make?" Havoc tapped his cigarette out of the window, suppressing a laugh.

A vein throbbed in Mustangs forehead,"what I am _trying_ to say" he began, his voice a forced calm,"is that I don't see the point in having it if I can rely of you guys"

"I don't think you've been seeing anything recently sir" This time Havoc did laugh as a glass smashed into the wall three feet to his left.


	3. Competition

They stared at each other, unblinking, unmoving. The tension could be cut with a knife. The flame alchemist shifted slightly, uncomfortable under his gaze.

"She's mine you know, and you can't change that" Mustang started,"it's not like she's completely devoted to you, not if you think about it. I mean she always has to babysit me and protect me and without her I wouldn't have come this far. It's not like you've known her as long as I have either"

He was met with a blank stare, as if his every word had been ignored. His brow furrowed into a frown.

"Besides, you're nice to almost everyone, girls don't like guys who can't be committed. I mean I'm not committed but she understand that it's for information. The other girls never compare to her. They aren't like her. You'll never be able to appreciate the colour of her eyes or her hair, soon she'll realise that she needs someone like me."

Mustang reached across his desk and picked up his mug of coffee, sipping it.

"You've never tasted her coffee either. It's the best, better than that sugary poison Havoc tries to make me drink. I suppose you know how good a cook she is too. Maybe I do have competition" he sighed, resting his head on his hands.

Then an idea struck him. It was low, even for him but despite this it was foolproof. Well it wasn't but there was no way it could be traced back to him.

"I bet you could go missing and then she'll have to love me!" He exclaimed suddenly, standing up, crossing the desk and picking Black Hayate up by the scruff of his neck before holding him out of the window.

He missed the door creaking open and the swift footsteps approaching him from behind. Then he froze. A gun's safety had just been clicked off and he felt the cool metal against the back of his neck.

"What the hell are you doing to my dog" Riza growled as Mustang slowly pulled Hayate back in and placed him on the floor.

The dog scratched at the legs of Riza's military pants and she picked him up, letting him nuzzle against her neck.

Roy swore the dog was mocking him as Hayate panted happily, licking Riza face eagerly.

"Work. Now" she growled, her gun back in its holster.

Somehow even with a puppy snuggled against her she still looked intimidating.

She spun on her heel and stalked out of the room, speaking to Hayate quietly as she left,"don't you worry Hayate, I won't let the mean man hurt you, I'll cook you something nice when we get home"

Roy slammed his head into the table, groaning.

**Is it just me who thinks Roy would be jealous of anyone Riza was close with? **


	4. Drunk confessions

Cigarette smoke wafted through the air and music filled the bar. Mustang and his team were celebrating his promotion to general and by celebrating they meant getting smashed.

Feury; the baby of the team, had attempted to prove his masculinity by engaging in a drinking contest with Havoc and Roy only to pass out four drinks in. Havoc had proceeded to try his luck, attempting to chat up any women who passed that weren't completely out of his league.

Breda and Falman were both drinking relatively weak drinks however their table was littered with glasses and their speech was somewhat slurred. Riza, being the sensible one was still sober.

"Sir, I think you had enough to drink," Riza's voice cut through the sound of the music.

Roy blinked at her before gulping down another mouthful of Drachman vodka.

"Riza... You're my Riza," he said slowly, his face scrunched up in drunken confusion before his face split into a wide grin and he exclaimed,"My Riza!" and hugged her around her midsection.

"Sir, please let go," she attempted to pry off his arms, instead he let go and grabbed her wrists, pulling her onto his lap.

"So warm," he nuzzled into her neck as he hiccupped.

Riza could've fought his grip easily however she remained still. Although she would never admit it she was comfortable and content in her new seat.

"Sir, I really think we should get going, you've drunken more than enough," she began again, protesting weakly.

"Shhh," he put a finger to her lips and heat flooded her cheeks,"we aren't drunk."

"We?" Riza raised an eyebrow, her grip on her emotions re-established.

"You are a little but I won't tell the others," he giggled as he picked up another shot glass and swallowed its contents,"I'll get drunk with you."

"Stop drinking Roy," Riza sighed, exasperated.

He would definitely have a hangover in the morning. This seemed irrelevant as instead his face brightened and his grin widened.

"Riza said Roy... Riza said Roy, My Riza said Roy!" He began to chant, boyish face lit with childish glee,"Riza said Roy, Riza called me Roy," He pulled her into another hug,"My Riza forever!"

She froze for a moment then wrapped her arms around him, smiling slightly. His hand trailed up her back and rested on the back of her neck.

"Does my Riza wanna hear a secret?" He whispered loudly,"I love my Riza."

She blushed and her eyes widened, she knew that the alcohol was loosening his tongue. Despite this she tried to convince herself that it was the alcohol talking.

"She's the prettiest Riza ever," he continued, grinning drunkenly, dragging out her name.

"With all due respect sir," she said, "I think we should get everyone home."

"And come to bed with me after?" He looked up at her, pleading with his eyes, pressing his forehead against hers.

"I don't think that's a good idea..." She started, she couldn't think, not with those endless dark eyes staring into her soul.

"Don't worry. No touchy touchy until you stop being drunk," he hiccupped again.

She shook her head, smiling,"Okay," she relented, "let's go; the car is just outside."

With that he let her up, standing up after her and almost instantly stumbling, throwing an arm around her.

"My Riza," he said to himself happily, staring at her as she guided him to the car, depositing him in the back seat before going to collect the rest of the team,"she's MY Riza."

Roy stared out of the window, watching Riza return to the bar to collect the rest of his team. His eyes skimmed over the people nearby and he saw a man leering at 'his' Riza. His eyes narrowed as he snapped his fingers, setting the man's ass alight. Apparently his intoxication had not effected his aim at all.

Riza returned with Havoc and an unconscious Feury, depositing him besides Roy. Roy looked up at her grinning.

He crossed his arms over his chest, "Mine."

Riza hid a smile as she nodded to herself, "Yes," she whispered, "yours."


	5. Hungover

It was a perfectly peaceful Boxing Day. People were returning to their jobs but in much happier spirits. Smoke rose from Eastern Headquarters. Not the smoke of a chimney but instead thick black smoke billowing into the air.

In her apartment Riza had barely woken up. She rolled over and glanced at her clock, 9:30. She rolled over, then did a double take before shooting out of bed. She was two and a half hours late. Riza Hawkeye was never late. Ever. She groaned, remembering the night of drinking that had happened yesterday. God what was she thinking? This was definitely Havoc and Rebecca's fault. Them and their stupid drinking games. A bark caught her attention as she pulled on her uniform and she looked up, Hayate was sat beside the window, his tail thumping on the floor as he wagged it happily. She focused on the window behind him and her eyes widened as she saw the smoke. She quickly tucked her three handguns into their respective holders before flinging the door open and racing towards Headquarters, Hayate happily bounding beside her.

"Colonel!" She saw him cowering in a tree, almost as if trying to fade from existence,"what exactly are you doing up there?"

"There was an accident," he murmured, glancing around to ensure no one was coming.

"Down here, now," she snapped, narrowing her eyes.

It was too early for his stupidity. Roy inched down the tree towards the fuming women, shaking.

"Explain exactly what happened," she cocked her gun,"now."

"If I told you I incinerated Havoc's prototype mini skirts would you be less angry?" He asked hopefully.

"Maybe, if I couldn't see that you were lying," she smirked as he opened his mouth,"Colonel, I've known you long enough. You get that annoying glint in you eye when you lie. Honestly you're like a child that stole candy. The truth, now."

"Okay. Don't laugh though. So obviously me and the men where asleep in the office because apparently that's where we passed out-"

"And Rebecca wasn't with you?"

"Like I said, the men. Anyway so I woke up and went to get a glass of water and everything was fine but when I came back I tripped over Fuery but I was hungover so I thought I was being attacked so I snapped my fingers and," he stopped there, shrugging uselessly.

Riza was livid. A hand shot out and she pinched Roy's ear.

"You are going to explain to the General why exactly Headquarters has gone up in smoke, you will offer to repair any damage you can with alchemy and you will complete all the paperwork you've caused without help. Understood?" She snapped, dragging him towards the groups of uniformed men.

He winced, he could already feel the hours of paperwork he was about to receive.

**I know, huge delay, please don't kill me. I've had an ultimate writers block so if you have suggestions they'd be appreciated.**


End file.
